Advice to parents

The best preventive measure to protect a child from sexualized violence is teaching them about the integrity and boundaries of their body. Any child can fall victim to sexualized violence, regardless of gender and age, the socioeconomic status of their family, the educational level of the parents. A child can be subjected to sexualized violence either by a stranger or by a familiar and trusted person.
Parents achieve two goals by talking to the child about boundaries of the body, what is permissible to touch and what is not, who are the trusted people allowed to touch the child for the purpose of providing care. The child learns about the boundaries of their body, and they understand that they can talk to the parent if there is a threat to the boundaries of their body.
It is important to talk to the child about the 4 parts of the body that may be at risk – mouth, breasts, anus and genitals. It should be explained to the child that no one has the right to touch these 4 parts of their body, and the child should not touch these parts of the other person’s body either. When talking about the body, you should also explain to the child the “permissible” exceptions as to when, in what circumstances and who can touch these 4 parts of their body. For example, you can explain to the child that the parent who bathes them can do that, specifically, the mother, father, grandmother (list the people who actually perform this caretaking responsibility). It can be the doctor if the child has health issues related to these parts of the body (the parent should talk to the child about this in advance), etc.
Often, the child will not talk about the sexualized violence that happened to them, and this circumstance has its reasons:
- They may not recognize the signs of sexualized violence. Sexualized violence against children is mostly committed by people who know the family members of the child, who have information about the customs of the family, and their awareness of bodily integrity. Sexualized violence can be perpretrated through games so that the child cannot recognize its signs.
- Talking about sexuality may be considered “shameful”. Today, many parents in Armenia do not talk about sexuality with their children, and even if something like sexualized violence happens to the child, they are ashamed to talk about it with their parents, or they simply do not know how to talk about it.
- The child’s fears are often known to the abuser. The reasons for having these fears can vary, but sometimes they are caused by parents and used as a punishment. The abuser can also learn about these fears and make use of them. They often use threats like telling the child that they will harm other children in the family or do the same to them.
The child should be told time and again that in any event parents trust them, believe their story and will always try to help and protect them. Sometimes it seems to us that the child knows that because we as parents do so much for them but reinforcing it with words is very important.
If a child decides to speak up about sexualized violence, parents should take careful note of a few important pieces of advice:
- Listen to them calmly and patiently, without criticism, avoiding displays of panic, worry or anger.
- Help them to tell you what happened, but do not interrupt with questions or conclusions.
- Reassure the child that you believe they are not to blame for the violence and that you will help them.
- Reassure the child that you love them, that they are important to you, and that your feelings cannot change.
- Reassure the child that they are not to blame for the sexualized violence.
- Make sure that the child is safe. Often children are sexually abused by people close to them, people who are within the child’s narrow circle of acquaintances.
- Before contacting the law enforcement authorities, talk to the child about the process to prepare them for it, even if they have no idea what to expect.
- Turn to a specialized support facility where you and the child will be provided with information on how to contact law enforcement authorities, how to support the child without harming them, and other types of support.
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